Ever since I got pregnant with Calin I knew he was going to fall into "second child syndrome". I have been really down on myself about this. And today I had an epiphany, an ah-ha moment if you will. I had a thought about why he has "second child syndrome" and I've realized I'm beating myself up too much. Its time to cut myself some slack.
When I was pregnant with my daughter I was unemployed. I found out through several unsuccessful working experiences, several psychiatric hospital stays, and lots of counseling and self evaluation that I cant work like "normal" people. Through my mental history, life experiences, abuse from my employer, and my unfortunate people pleaser personality I could not work a typical job anymore without major damage to myself. So this led to a decision to being unemployed. My husband and I had several conversations about me being a stay at home mom when we had children so being "stay at home" a little earlier than planned wasnt a huge deal. He had a great job and thankfully it wasnt a struggle financially.
So while I was pregnant I had plenty of time to focus on the bundle of joy I was growing. I was able to pick out baby clothes, create a detailed registry, decorate the nursery, complete all my checklists (enough of all the essentials and organizing all those said essentials into their perfect place).
The only non related baby thing on my plate was college. I took a few Spanish classes at the local community college. So I had plenty of time to scrapbook, fill out her baby book, and write letters in the journal I made for her. Almost every week of my pregnancy I wrote a letter to Bailee. I wrote it as a journal entry expressing all the wonderful and sometimes not so wonderful things about being pregnant with her.
Being pregnant with Calin has been a whole different experience. Being the mom of a toddler and being pregnant was totally different than just being pregnant. With Bailee I could still nap when I wanted. With Calin I maybe napped ten times. Its impossible to nap when your 2 year old is running around needing you. So between the constant morning sickness into my 16-18 weeks and the energy charged two year old I was exhausted. There was no time for scrapbooking.
And for the baby book, HA! I totally forgot about the baby book. The week before my due date it hit me one day. I didnt think the "second child syndrome" hit til after the baby was home. And so I bought a baby book for my son a week before his due date and still havent wrote a single thing in it by the way.
I have to be honest. I started this post weeks ago. I saved it to a draft the day I started writing it once the kiddos woke up from their nap. That has been weeks and just now I am finishing. I have more to say about my experience with the "second child syndrome" but out of sheer determination I am finishing this post now as is. So stay tuned for the rest of the story.
